40 + Style

Are You Team Grey? Or Team No Way?

I have to tell you something. I have grey hair. In fact, I have many, many grey hairs. I’ve recently decided that I am going to let nature take its course and just go with it. I’m throwing caution to the wind! I’m tired of coloring my hair every 6 weeks. It’s expensive and time consuming. So, about 3 months ago I had a long discussion with my stylist and she is assisting me with my wishes. She put something on the blonde highlights that I had to tone them down a bit and I’ve quit highlighting. Luckily the highlights were all under the top layer of my hair, except for the ones right in the front.

Here’s my thought… I don’t want to be that 70+ year old woman you see who has an inch of grey grow out all over her head. I always seem to sit behind one in church. I do not want to still be coloring my hair as a retiree. I think some people (not all) actually look worse by coloring their hair than if they just let their greys come in. There are plenty of youthful looking women who have grey hair.

When I told some friends about my decision you would have thought that I had just told them that I was planning on stripping naked, dousing myself with gasoline, and setting myself on fire. The reaction was severe and it was negative.


“I can’t believe you are thinking of doing that.”

“Do you want to look old?”

“Why would you do that?”

“One of my husband’s friends went grey and she looks terrible and everyone talks about her behind her back!”


I was a bit surprised. I didn’t think that accepting my grey hair would be a polarizing topic. Boy was I wrong. Apparently, women have been issuing this stern warning to other women throughout the generations. I told my mother-in-law, who coincidentally still colors her hair at 75, about this conversation and she said that she recalled having similar conversations with her friends when she was in her 40s. They told her “You do not go grey… You NEVER go grey!”

Who knows if I will have an about-face and change my decision. I’m pretty flip floppy, but for now I’m staying the course. I feel ready. I’m 46. It’s OK. I am actually old you guys. Shocker. I know.

I follow the blogs and/or Instagram accounts of a bunch of fabulous ladies who have accepted their greys. They are total babes and are SO inspiring to me. Check them out!



A post shared by Lisa Hale (@thesilverstylist) on

Link to blog.

A post shared by K A T (@thesilverkat) on



Link to blog.

A post shared by Greetje Swerts (@greetjeswerts) on


Link to blog.


So, what are your thoughts? Are you team grey, or team no way? I’d love to know your thoughts. Are you going to dye until you die?

Let’s discuss.


Thanks for stopping by!



5 thoughts on “Are You Team Grey? Or Team No Way?”

  1. This is a very timely post for me. I am 43 and have not colored my hair in over 15 years. No real deliberate decision — dirty blonde that used to go more blonde for many years, even red during a brief “Scully” phase. But then as I got into my late 20s and on, it was just too much of a hassle to keep up, plus I have fairly fine hair and that stuff takes a toll. A few years ago I got a pretty cool silver streak in front that looked almost like a highlight and kind of sexy (according to my husband) and I decided to embrace it. But now a whole lot more gray has come in that is not in streaks and not so cool, and I’m debating doing some strategic foils just to re-blend my “natural” color back to have less gray. But I haven’t because I still find the time commitment more than fits my lifestyle, and I won’t do it myself anymore, so it would be a significant cost too. But I’m not sure at 43 I’m ready to be fully gray, and I also am concerned about age/looks discrimination that women with gray hair face in their career — not necessarily overt but it can happen. So I’m on the fence but in the opposite direction. Am curious to hear what others have to say. But have to say all those photos you posted have me thinking maybe I should just embrace it!

    1. I too began coloring my hair for “fun” back in the day. Most of the time I was just doing highlights, and that’s what I was doing most recently. Of course they got blonder along the way to help hide the greys.

      You bring up a really good point about the workplace and possible discrimination, and I have absolutely thought about that. I does concern me too. It shouldn’t be the case that women have to worry about that, but we do. Why don’t men have to worry about being discriminated against if they have grey hair? I’m sure that thought never even crosses their minds. Women have to worry about looking attractive, not looking old, and not being a “bitch” in the workplace, all while being paid 85 cents to every dollar a man earns!

      1. Right? But have to say after stewing on it for 24 hours, with your post and links as inspiration, I’m now leaning far more toward letting it go gray, and just doubling down on cool clothes/hairstyle/make-up instead — more fun and less costly. My hubs is totally fine with it, and my career is 95% remote (email/calls) rather than face to face, and i figure for the rare face to face I can step up my game accordingly… So thanks for helping me face this one and come to a decision I’m feeling really good about!

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